My Day

Well, Natalie kept me up most of the night so I did not sleep very much. She is going through something weird right now. I don't know what it is! During the night, she fights to stay awake and play. During the daytime, she continuously closes her window blinds and tries to put herself to bed but she will not sleep. She just wants to pretend she's going to bed. Yikes. She does not sleep ever..... not until she finally collapses in exhaustion. This is so disturbing to me. I'm on my toes trying to do what is right for her every minute of the day AND night and I'm about to go nuts from little or no sleep!

It's hard to keep everything in perspective when you go without sleep. The smallest things magnify to ridiculous proportions! Well, one good thing. She's happy and healthy! She just does not want to sleep and wants to play. I think instead of her being a little girl, she is really the Energizer Bunny who keeps going and going and going!

What a day.... I spent much of this morning in tears and feeling like a failure as a mother. It is awful feeling out of control and like I have no power! Just hate that. ugh..... can't even "mommy" right. So, after a good pity party held for one, I finally snapped out of it! I had to pray really hard for myself. H A R D

This afternoon was very productive. I got lots of housework done. Deep cleaning and all laundry. I even worked out in the storage building for awhile! Oh gosh... I took Natalie out for a drive and to get McDonald's for lunch and I almost ran over a a guy! He was working on the side of the road with another man and they were measuring something. This was a very narrow, two lane road with NO shoulders. Just a white stripe and a drop off. Anyway, he was too close to my lane and I had nowhere else to go with traffic coming toward me and veering into my lane a little bit. He yelled at me as I drove by but hey, I couldn't help it. He was holding the tape measure down with his foot all the way out to the roadway while the rest of him was off the road. Move your foot, moron! You know, if I had to make a choice between a head-on collision or running over his big toe, guess who is going to have a sore foot? Anyway, it was all too close and it upset me when he yelled at me like that. All he had to do is move his FOOT for one little second. Moron.

So, after crying all morning with my sorrowful pity party, praying for a miracle and a healing to get back to my usual cheerful self, now all of a sudden I was thinking about him taking my license plate number down, calling the police, the police coming to my door, arresting me for attempted murder, placing handcuffs on me and leading me to the back seat of their car and what oh what in hell is my mugshot going to look like with me in such a mess today? Should I smile or what? What would the neighbors think when I'm led to the patrol car in handcuffs? Would his lights be flashing? Maybe I should change my clothes and put something nicer on just in case the doorbell rings in a minute. Imaginary rehearsal now..... "Well officer, ugh..... well, it was like this.... hmmmm. He claims what?" Have you ever done that? Just make up some random, imaginary, upsetting conversation that will never take place?

One minute I'm happily singing along with a Mister Rogers cassette tape with Natalie, trying to keep her happy and cheerful, leisurely driving a little under the speed limit, in my VERY OWN LANE, doing everything right, and the next second I'm about to commit vehicular homicide and some moron with his big, fat foot in the road who is yelling at me as I drive past. Kind of hurt my feelings. It just so happened, though, that at that moment, Mr. Rogers was telling me that I'm special. That helped. :-)

Okay, let's see..... Hamburger Helper for dinner tonight. It was good. You know, when you can't cook something really special, HH fills in the gap pretty good. It suffices. Especially when you have catsup to put on top!

I have tucked Natalie in bed and now I'm waiting to see if she stays there before I try to go to bed myself. If she isn't asleep, I'll stay up until she is. Gosh... I need a few winks. About ten billion of them and in consecutive, uninterrupted order.

Good night, all. I hope tomorrow goes a little better than today. Gloom and doom is not a lot of fun, that's for sure. At least I didn't kill anybody. (would have messed up my car) ha.....